Tips for talking to students about sexual assault
Sexual assault disproportionately impacts young adults and can have a major impact on students at . Families play an important role in helping students navigate healthy relationships and providing support.
Here are a few things everyone should know about sexual assault and tips for starting a conversation with your student.
Things to know about sexual assault
Sexual assault can happen to anyone
The reality is that the majority of sexual assaults are carried out by people students know: friends, acquaintances, classmates, co-workers, partners, exes, neighbors or someone a student may have met online or at a party. This often contradicts what we believe and can make it more difficult to recognize the problem.
It can be helpful to go beyond ‘stranger danger’ and help your student think about social events like parties and residential spaces that may also create risk. Consider your approach and avoid sharing things that put the burden on victims to prevent sexual assault or blame them for having been assaulted. It’s important to know that sexual assault can happen to anyone, regardless of age, race, gender identity or sexual orientation. However, it disproportionately affects women, bisexual and transgender people and young adults.
Consent is key
People often think that consent is something that you "get" or "give" in a sexual situation. Consent is more of an agreement that people arrive at together. Consent can include words or actions (non-verbals and body language) that create mutual understanding, clear willingness and acceptance of the conditions of any sexual activity.
Consent must be established before people engage in any sexual activity. This gives students the opportunity to set personal boundaries and limits and understand the boundaries of others. Keep in mind that consent is ongoing, and people can change their minds and withdraw consent at any time during sexual activities. It’s important to talk to your student about how to stay tuned in to a partner’s experience.
It’s also important to know that anyone who is incapacitated by alcohol, drugs or anything else cannot give consent, regardless of what they are saying or doing. Incapacitation is a state where someone can not make a reasonable, rational decision because they lack the capacity to understand the “who, what, where, when or why” of a sexual interaction.
Sexual assault can include a wide range of experiences
Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual contact or behaviors that a person did not or was not able to consent to.
Sexual assault can include, but is not limited to, the following:
- Unwanted penetration or contact, including vaginal, anal or oral sex (this includes penetration by an object or another person’s body part)
- Unwanted touching of private body parts (e.g. butt, breasts, genitals)
Keep in mind that sexual assault can also include attempted assault using any of the methods listed above. Additional forms of sexual misconduct include sexual harassment, exploitation (e.g. sharing nudes, videotaping sexual acts without consent, etc.) as well as intimate partner abuse such as dating violence and stalking.
Tips for talking to your student
While sexual assault can be a difficult subject to broach, having conversations can help your student identify problematic situations, support their friends and navigate relationships in a healthy way. Here are some tips to help you talk with your student about sexual assault and other forms of sexual misconduct.
Weave it into routine conversations.
Look for opportunities to discuss sex, gender scripts, dating and healthy communication as part of your everyday interactions. For instance, when checking in with your student, it’s okay to be curious about their new friends and relationships. If they open up, encourage them to explore their own beliefs and values about what they want from potential partners and their dating experiences.
Explore red flags together.
Encourage your student to think through red flags for sexual assault and abuse in a relationship. Red flags can include someone committing boundary violations, not listening to others, being persistent about pursuing someone sexually, hitting on the drunkest person at a party or trying to get someone alone or away from their friends at a party. Remind your student that most people understand boundaries and consent, but some people aren’t interested in honoring them.
Encourage your student to look out for friends.
If something feels weird or wrong, it probably is. If your student sees a situation where someone seems uncomfortable or unsafe, encourage them to find a way to check on that person or get them out of the situation. Remind your student that it’s okay to make up an excuse to interject or disrupt an uncomfortable or problematic situation. Bystanders are particularly important in situations where someone is being pursued sexually because of their level of intoxication, or if a person has been intentionally drugged in an attempt to facilitate sexual assault. Remind your student that impaired or incapacitated people are usually unable to protect or advocate for themselves in these situations. Learn more about bystander strategies that students can use to interrupt problematic situations.
Practice effective bystander skills.
Encourage your student to practice effective bystander skills to disrupt potentially sketchy situations. Bystanders are particularly important in situations where someone is being targeted by a perpetrator because of their level of intoxication, or if a person has been intentionally drugged in an attempt to facilitate sexual assault. Remind your student that impaired or incapacitated people are usually unable to protect or advocate for themselves in these situations. Learn more about bystander strategies that students can use to interrupt problematic situations.
Share support resources.
Resources are available for students who have experienced sexual assault, who want to support friends and survivors or who to learn more about sexual assault prevention. Students often go to friends first if something bad happens, and they may reach out to family members as well. Having the skills to respond effectively without blame or judgment is important to keep in mind. Learn more skills for supporting students in the aftermath of a traumatic event.
Here are some additional ways you can connect students with support services:
OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, faculty and staff who have experienced a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event, including sexual assault and harassment.
Confidential resource
Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)
OIEC implements and enforces university policies around sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and stalking, and other forms of sexual misconduct. If you or someone you know at has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Anonymous reporting is an option as well.
Don't Ignore It
Explore your options for seeking confidential support, reporting concerns and learning skills for helping others. If something seems off, it probably is—don't ignore it.
Mandatory reporting policy
All university employees who have the authority to hire, promote, discipline, evaluate, grade, formally advise or direct faculty, staff or students are considered "responsible employees" and are required to report alleged misconduct to the Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC). This includes resident advisors, teaching assistants, professors, graduate instructors, academic advisors, coaches or other university employees with oversight authority.
Any sexual misconduct, intimate partner abuse (including dating and domestic violence), stalking, protected-class discrimination or harassment, or related retaliation disclosed to a responsible employee must be reported to OIEC. The person impacted has the choice about whether and how they want to proceed. Reporting is required to help ensure that people understand their rights and options and the resources available.
Note: Confidential campus resources are exempt from Boulder’s mandatory reporting policy, including the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA), Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS), Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP) and Ombuds.
Additional reading
Health and Wellness Services is committed to providing families with relevant information and tips to help you best support your students. Check out more family articles online.