Why can鈥檛 I tell my parents I love them?听
Why is it that every time I get into a conflict with someone, it ends the relationship?
If I really show this side of myself, would people think I鈥檓 a weak person?
These are some of the interpersonal issues that Professor Larry Frey鈥檚 students have brought up over the years in his Communication and Human Relations senior seminar.
鈥淚t鈥檚 not easy and it takes a while,鈥� says Frey of creating a classroom culture in which students can address their issues directly. 鈥淗owever, through the process, students engage in the work and grow.鈥�
A professor in CMCI鈥檚 Department of Communication for nearly two decades, promoting meaningful interaction and change is at the heart of Frey鈥檚 teaching and research. 听听Throughout his career, he鈥檚 authored or edited 17 books and more than 100 other publications鈥撯�搈any of them advocating for how communication scholars鈥� practices can contribute to social change.听
This week, the National Communication Association (NCA) will honor him with the Distinguished Scholar Award, which recognizes NCA members for a lifetime of scholarly achievement in the study of human communication. Frey will accept his award on Nov. 16 at the NCA鈥檚 105th Annual Convention in Baltimore. Since 1991, only 104 scholars have received the accolade.听
Frey鈥檚 work in the classroom is an extension of decades of research and activism.
Working through difficult communication issues isn鈥檛 just a way to help students in their personal lives and relationships, he says. From a scholarly standpoint, the students are engaging in 鈥減re-activism,鈥� the first step in communication activism鈥撯�揳 field he helped to pioneer.听
Traditionally, communication scholars have observed the world and its problems as spectators鈥撯�損ublishing their findings and hoping that others will use them to take action, Frey says. In contrast, communication activism scholars take a more hands-on approach. They work collaboratively with oppressed communities and activist groups to intervene and promote social justice.
鈥淢ost scholars think that they will conduct research and maybe somebody will do something with it,鈥� Frey says. 鈥淢y read is that there鈥檚 little evidence that people do that.鈥�
The seeds of Frey鈥檚 work began at an early age.听
As an American growing up in London during the height of the Vietnam War, Frey was often bullied.
鈥淚 got beat up virtually every day during sixth grade,鈥� he says. 鈥淜ids would say, 鈥榃hat are you doing in Vietnam?鈥欌��
Years later, when he returned to the United States, with long hair and more socially liberal attitudes than his high school classmates, he found himself a stranger at home, too.
鈥淚 thought it was odd that people used these arbitrary things to exclude others,鈥� he says. 鈥淎ll of those experiences made me very interested in social interaction and gave me a small taste of how exclusion feels.鈥�
They also set in motion what would become his life's work: The study of how marginalized and under-resourced groups can use communication to affect change, and how communication scholars can aid those groups.
听In 1997, Frey coauthored The Fragile Community: Living Together with AIDS with Mara Adelman, an associate professor of communication at Seattle University. The book chronicled their studies of communication and community building at Bonaventure House in Chicago, a residential facility for people living together with AIDS.听
While at Bonaventure House, Frey met a resident named Manny.
Late one night鈥撯�搃n the dead of winter鈥撯�揗anny called Frey, asking him to come to the house.
鈥淚 could tell that he was incredibly sick,鈥� Frey recalls. 鈥淲hen I got to his room, Manny said, 鈥業 just want to contribute to your research project one more time.鈥欌��
Frey and Manny talked鈥撯�搉ot about research, just about life. Later in the evening, Manny fell asleep and went into a comma. He died the next morning.听
That experience, Frey says, made him realize something important about research: 鈥淢aybe in those moments, it鈥檚 best to put your research aside, and just be with somebody as a human being.鈥�
He鈥檚 carried that same spirit from the field to the classroom.
In Frey鈥檚 Communication and Human Relations course, he asks students to sit in a circle; no phones, notebooks, laptops, or other distractions are allowed.
鈥淚 just say, 鈥楲et鈥檚 go.鈥� If we鈥檙e going to sit there in silence for two-and-a-half hours, that is what we will do,鈥� Frey says.
As students become more comfortable with each other, they gradually begin to identify and work on their own communication limitations. For their final assignment, students facilitate a conversation with someone important to them.
鈥淭hose conversations often lead to transformative experiences,鈥� Frey says.
Once, he recalls, a student shared that he was about to give up on having a relationship with his father. The student could feel that his father was keeping something from him, which was causing distance in their relationship. He thought that his father might be gay, but they鈥檇 never spoken about it.
For Frey鈥檚 final assignment, the student facilitated a conversation with his father who came out to his son.
鈥淭hey became incredibly close after that interaction,鈥� Frey says.
Ultimately, that鈥檚 what Frey鈥檚 work is about: using communication theory and research to help people achieve intimacy in their lives and promote social justice.
鈥淏efore you can become politically active,鈥� he says. 鈥淵ou have to get your own act together.鈥�